Category Archives: Funny Bits

Shanghai Tourist Things To Do: Explore Shanghai on a Vintage, Sidecar Motorbike

This is a fun tourist thing to do in Shanghai. I see people in these and they’re always smiling. Make sure you visit the French concession  as the views  will be fascinating and fabulous.

Contact: thomas@shanghaisideways.com or call them +86-150-2111245

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China and Hong Kong Pets

I must say, the dressing-up of pets I do find interesting here. When I lived in Hong Kong there was even a cafe where you could have a latte  whilst your dog was served a doggy pizza. On Saturdays the cafe pumped like a fashion show, girls  oooed and ahhhed at the best-dressed pooches and birthdays were also celebrated with doggy birthday cakes and candles. I would take tourists there as part of my alternative Hong Kong, tour-guide service. In China and Hong Kong they also  put shoes on their dogs: they don’t like their feet to get their dirty. You will also see dogs in prams.

But the best fashion-prize must go to a neighbor of mine in Shanghai, who makes panties for her dog out of g-strings.

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How to Send New Clothes to Deceased Relatives

I love my Chinese neighbours. Today in the lane one of them was making paper offering to give her dead relatives on April 4th ( a special day to do this in China).

She taught me how to make shoes, shirts and trousers. I’m now working on making my  deceased mother a whole wardrobe. On the 4th April in our lane, I will draw a circle on the floor with chalk and burn everything I’ve made inside it. The smoke will take  the burned goods up to heaven to meet Mum: ahhh, so sweet! Or  weird ( depending on your beliefs or how you look at things). I’m also thinking of going out and  buying other paper offerings you can get here too. I could send  to her a designer handbag,  a Porch car,  a mansion and even a butler and policeman to cater to her every whim and need.

My neighbor also gave me a couple of apples for lunch. Have I told you how much I love Chinese people – they’re so sweet, one of the nicest cultures I’ve ever lived amongst.

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Barbara Cartland is my Hero

Barbara Cartland is my hero. She wrote an amazing 723 books in her career, spreading love stories all over the world through 36 countries. If I keep writing books and want to write as many as her, I worked out I have to write 2 books a month for the rest of my life to even catch up. I’ve  finished writing 1 book, presently editing my 2nd and now on my 3rd. They take me a year each to write. Maybe I’ll just aspire to dress like her instead; I have a cat that looks like her dog already.

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Hanggai: Good Mongolian Throat Gurglers

If your into  going out and seeing bands, look out for this Chinese one from Beijing: Hanggai. They are highly entertaining using throat gurgling, horse-hair fiddles and  they wear fabulous outfits (that I am sure they go to the pub in). I saw them at the Black Rabbit Festival, live in Shanghai, with other local and international acts but: they travel the world. Check out their Myspace page and go and see them if they are playing near you. I think they’re Stars!

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Crotchless Babies

I find these Chinese baby, crotchless trousers very environmentally friendly (as goodness knows how much rubbish we’re creating with all our disposable nappies). Chinese mothers are also very in sync with their children. You’ll see a mother walking along and suddenly, she’ll  dangle her child off her arm so it can poop. Then, she’ll clean it up with a tissue. I have also seen mothers holding their babies over  rubbish bins so they can do their business straight in there. I am sure there must be  less nappy rash in China.

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Love Hearts in the Wind

The weather has got cold here and I was feeling low, so I went to Marks & Spencer’s for a cup of tea and slice of Victoria Sponge to cheer me up. Out of the window whilst sipping my  tea, I saw these lovely love hearts waving at me in the wind: they made me smile. Living in China has taught me, if your feeling down, just look around. You’ll always find something that will brighten up your day.

Knickers on washing lines here, never cease to amaze me. Chinese people are so small, but their panties can be so large.

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Good Brazilian Witchcraft

I was staying at a Vietnamese beachside resort with my Brazilian neighbour and it was raining constantly. She said we should put an egg on the roof and the rain would stop. We put an egg on the roof and the next day – it was sunny! It’s been sunny ever since. I just hope, the two eggs that are now on this roof, in this picture – don’t drop.

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Vietnam: Duong Dong Port

I went into Duong Dong Port by myself this morning, and this lover boy invited me onto his boat and I took a picture of him instead of taking him up on his offer. I really liked shopping in the local market there, good baskets and  plastic crap to buy.

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I love this Shanghai doll I found; it must be Australian inspired.

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October 3, 2011 · 8:12 am